A comedic romp in the near future where the environmental quagmires of our day have been left to mutate and fester,
Grumbles: The Novel is a modern skewing of love, politics and power.
It opens in Prêt-a-Porter, a swampy backwater of upstate New York, when our heroine Pettie Grumbles is re-instated to
the Special Services unit of the Post Office. With evil doers and potato pirates a foot, Pettie is given the mission to
boldly go where no Grumbles has gone before and return to Canada. There, she must defeat the dreaded
Weatherman who, with his Weather or Not TV and perpetual green screen, has done what no man has done before
and fulfilled an election promise to keep the world seventy-two and sunny. Complicating matters is the fact that the man
who has stolen our heroine's heart, Hector, just happens to have a twin brother who's always in the limelight and
needing his help.
In a race against time to save the world, Pettie and her young charge Toga set off for Montreal to take down The
Weatherman and free Toga's friends. But just as they make the rendezvous, desperate for further instructions, they run
a foul of The Border Patrol and are forced to take an icy dip in the St. Lawrence River. While Pettie is rescued and
entertained by the worldly Captain Dragwood, who keeps reminding her of her man Hector and his mysterious
disappearances, Toga has a different shipboard experience altogether, one that leads to trouble down the line.
As Pettie and Toga travel closer to The Weatherman and his much anticipated festival of Spudapoolza, the giving of the
fries to the people, their loyalty is tested. Saboteurs seem to be everywhere from the stinging consequences of doing
business with the trollman to the skin deep identity of Pettie's one time best friend.
As daylight breaks and pirates invade Montreal's port, Pettie and Toga hurry up Mont-Royal and infiltrate The
Weatherman's glorious, grease redolent pageant to himself, the festival of Spudapalooza.
Will Pettie and Toga be able to find Toga's kidnapped friends and free them? Can they stop The Weatherman from
deploying his secret weapon meant to ensure world domination? Will Pettie reset the cycle of nature and make it snow?
And finally, will Pettie and Hector sail off into the sunset? Telmemydoom might know, but, predictably, no one wants to
“Shhh! Quiet please. Our curtain is about to go up. The stage is just about set. The actors are divining their
characters. We thank you in advance for turning off ALL electronic devices, unless of course, you are reading this on
your e-reader, in which case, please enable the video plug-in for…
“Cue lights and imploding planet music and…curtain! Snap snap, people! What’s the delay? Tell her to breathe into a
paper bag, for Pete’s sake. Now, ready? People, take your places. Put away those things. Hurry! And now, without
“Cue video for our e-readers…”
“In a galaxy more near than far, in a time not quite now but closer than you think, in an age shrouded by the heavy,
heartless curtain of illusion, where weather is the news and people believe bureaucracies get things done, on a planet
where the collapse of reality has brought madness to its old, primordial brain, where huge swaths of abandoned,
uninhabitable wasteland separate gated communities of ostentatious luxury, and armed outback communities consist
of nothing more than plastic bits and deteriorating brick, there sits our pleasant pocket of willful suburban bliss, the
enclave of Prêt-A-Porter, New York, where the story that will change the world is set to begin…”
“Shh! It’s starting!”
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LLC/paperback, 432 pages
|Grumbles The Novel
|Whimsical Publications, LLC
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